I Swore I’d Never Run Again

I used to really hate running. In high school PE class, every Friday meant forest runs, where we raced around the woods, sometimes encountering bears and almost always getting lost. It was agonizing, miserable, and traumatic. Especially for me, since I’m a very competitive person, and a pretty bad runner. So, each time a classmate passed me, my hatred for running just grew stronger. I felt like I was going to die, like actually die.

Once I was no longer required to take PE classes, I made myself a promise: I would never run again. And I kept that promise.

Until now.

In April, I started a new co-op job, and on my first day, my manager told me that as a yearly tradition, the company participates in the Sun Run. They are not at all casual about it—in fact they’re quite the opposite. Immediately, I was filled with dread and told him that I would absolutely not be participating.

Around the same time, I had been incline walking on the treadmill pretty consistently. I’d walk so fast that I could’ve just started running, but I never did. It was still off limits to me. But one day, something changed. I told myself, “Just try it, once.” And surprisingly, it wasn’t that bad. The next day, I did it again. And again. A month later, I asked my manager to confirm that we would be doing the Sun Run this year.

One thing about me (and I know many students can probably relate) is that throughout all my years of school, it’s been hard to find who I am outside of just being a student. At times, it seemed like school was my entire identity and my sense of worth was tied to my grades. Because of this, the concept of having hobbies, where I wasn’t aiming for a grade or some sort of result, seemed pointless. But running completely changed my mindset. It became something just for me. I wasn’t chasing a win, or recognition of any kind.

I tend to get this sort of tunnel vision, where each semester, I literally forget that life exists outside of my textbook. But now, running has become a non-negotiable for me, which serves as a reminder that life goes on, despite any grade I might receive. There’s something so grounding about putting on my shoes, getting outside, and taking my run one step at a time. If I feel any sort of stress or anxiety, I just run harder so I forget all about it.

So, yes, I will be doing the Sun Run in April. And like I said before, my coworkers are competitive. But for maybe the first time ever, I won’t be. Turns out that breaking a six-year promise to run wasn’t a failure after all. In fact, it was the start of something really, really good.